One year ago today we found out that we lost our baby boy.
I've been writing this post in my head for a while and I'm afraid I'm not going to remember everything I've thought about writing, I should have written it all down somewhere but I just couldn't. Just thinking about picking up a pen and a piece of paper or opening up a Word document would bring tears to my eyes.
One of the hardest things for me since Savannah was born is strangers and random well wishers asking if she is our only child. I always reply that "yes, she is" but I always wonder if I should follow it up with "but she had a twin brother that died at 20 weeks." It's rare that I actually said it out loud because one, I don't really feel like my fellow Target shoppers need to know my life story and two, talking about it always brings tears to my eyes which immediately makes people feel sorry for me, which I hate.
I am sad and it still hurts but I've healed as much as I can heal. I truly believe that God doesn't give you more than you can handle and if I've learned anything in the past 8 months, we couldn't handle two. Although, Jess, my good friend and mom of twins, often tells me that you just do it. I also truly believe that everything happens for a reason, there was a reason we didn't get to meet our baby boy and like I've said time and time again, I'm glad that we didn't get to meet him, hold him and cuddle him and then lose him.
A year ago today, I changed - I become more compassionate and sympathetic and I learned a lot about the people around me. I will never forget the outpouring of love from our family and our true friends. The cards, the flowers, the meals, the tears and the prayers that everything else would be ok. I'll never forget my best friends burtsting into tears along with me when I called and told them the news - Cassy offering to drive 5 hours to see us, Sharri offering to take the rest of the day off of work. I'll never forget the voicemail from my friend Liz after seeing that she had missed 2 calls from me and I hadn't left a message, "I'm worried something is wrong because you called twice." I'll never forget Eddie coming over to show us the engagement ring he had purchased for Megan, a bright spot on an otherwise dark day.
Sometimes I feel overly overprotective of Savannah, I don't like to hear her cry, I don't like to leave her, I want her with me all.the.time. I'm just so grateful that she made it.
Friday, February 26, 2010
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
29 + 1
Something else exciting happened recently, I had the first anniversary of my 29th birthday! It started with James running out into the kitchen soaking wet to tell me Happy Birthday! It takes him standing under the hot water to really wake up so he didn't realize until he was mid-shower that he had forgotten to say anything when he woke up! When I arrived at work my new neighbors had decorated my cube, it was a bit embarassing but I've never had so many random people acknowledge my birthday.
Actually, the celebration started the Saturday before my birthday when Sharri and Josh came over for dinner and brought a delicious cake, a balloon and some beautiful flowers. We played Mario on the Wii (yes, we are obsessed with that game) and laughed so much that my cheeks were sore the next day! Unfortunately for some reason the only pictures we took were of me with the cake. I don't think Sharri would have allowed any photos of her to be taken anyway, contrary to what she thinks she looked adorable in a hoodie and pant set.
29+1
On my actual birthday I was showered with gifts from Savannah and James, my little Princess has great taste already - she gave me a Tiffany necklace with an S engraved on it. And James gave me pearl earrings to match the necklace I received for Christmas, a Starbucks gift card (he really knows the way to my heart) and a trip to Savannah, GA with our good friends Joe & Kristina and Jerry & Kristie!
The celebration continued the next day with dinner at our favorite Thai restaurant with some of my family, you know you're getting old when you get a food processor and a blender for your birthday and are super excited about it!
We traveled up to Savannah, GA on Saturday for our trip - it was the first time we had left Princess Savannah overnight, thankfully it wasn't as bad as I had made it out to be in my mind. I did cry when we left home and texted my mom about a thousand times to make sure everything was ok, obviously it was. I did resist the urge to text her when I woke up at 3 a.m. and 5 a.m. - apparently I am no longer able to sleep through the night regardless of where my child is!
(We have a lot more pictures from our trip but I don't want to post pictures of other people without their permission.)
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| From Brooke & James |
Actually, the celebration started the Saturday before my birthday when Sharri and Josh came over for dinner and brought a delicious cake, a balloon and some beautiful flowers. We played Mario on the Wii (yes, we are obsessed with that game) and laughed so much that my cheeks were sore the next day! Unfortunately for some reason the only pictures we took were of me with the cake. I don't think Sharri would have allowed any photos of her to be taken anyway, contrary to what she thinks she looked adorable in a hoodie and pant set.
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| From Brooke & James |
29+1
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| From Brooke & James |
On my actual birthday I was showered with gifts from Savannah and James, my little Princess has great taste already - she gave me a Tiffany necklace with an S engraved on it. And James gave me pearl earrings to match the necklace I received for Christmas, a Starbucks gift card (he really knows the way to my heart) and a trip to Savannah, GA with our good friends Joe & Kristina and Jerry & Kristie!
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| From Brooke & James |
The celebration continued the next day with dinner at our favorite Thai restaurant with some of my family, you know you're getting old when you get a food processor and a blender for your birthday and are super excited about it!
We traveled up to Savannah, GA on Saturday for our trip - it was the first time we had left Princess Savannah overnight, thankfully it wasn't as bad as I had made it out to be in my mind. I did cry when we left home and texted my mom about a thousand times to make sure everything was ok, obviously it was. I did resist the urge to text her when I woke up at 3 a.m. and 5 a.m. - apparently I am no longer able to sleep through the night regardless of where my child is!
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| From Brooke & James |
(We have a lot more pictures from our trip but I don't want to post pictures of other people without their permission.)
Monday, February 15, 2010
New Tricks
Little Miss still isn't crawling and I'm beginning to think she's going to be in that small percentage of babies that don't - crawling is just SO last year. She is able to get to a sitting position on her own now, there have been a couple nights and mornings where we've gone into find her sitting up in her crib! She is also beginning to pull up, she mostly does it in her crib so we had to drop the mattress down a level but she's started to test out the coffee table and her exersaucer as well.
She gets around pretty well for a baby that doesn't crawl, she somehow manages to cover a lot of ground alternating between her cute little bootie and a side plank position. We tried to capture her going in circles on video but in typical Savannah fashion she became interested in something else as soon as the camera came out.
These pictures were taken before we lowered the mattress.
We actually stood her up for these pictures.
She gets around pretty well for a baby that doesn't crawl, she somehow manages to cover a lot of ground alternating between her cute little bootie and a side plank position. We tried to capture her going in circles on video but in typical Savannah fashion she became interested in something else as soon as the camera came out.
These pictures were taken before we lowered the mattress.
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| From SGN - 8th Month |
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| From SGN - 8th Month |
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| From SGN - 8th Month |
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| From SGN - 8th Month |
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| From SGN - 8th Month |
We actually stood her up for these pictures.
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| From SGN - 8th Month |
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| From SGN - 8th Month |
Long, overdue update time - I don't even know where to start!
She is now eating carrots and she seems to love those as well, although I think her favorite food is still bananas. We haven't tried anything else new lately, we'll probably won't add anything new in until the end of the month when she can have meat. Pureed chicken sounds less than appetizing to me but James is really anxious to taste test it for her. I'll make sure to get pictures of that!
Carrots are quite messy!
2 weeks ago we took Savannahkins to the park to test out the infant swings, it was a beautiful sunny day but unfortunately a little too cold for her liking so we didn't stay as long as we thought we would. And she didn't exactly love the swings, but they're still a little too big for her anyway.
She's also been eating the Gerber Graduates Wagon Wheels, I think the dogs end up eating more of them than her but it's good practice for feeding herself.
On bath nights we let her put her hands in her food which is why she has carrots or sweet potatoes in her eyebrows. :)
She is now eating carrots and she seems to love those as well, although I think her favorite food is still bananas. We haven't tried anything else new lately, we'll probably won't add anything new in until the end of the month when she can have meat. Pureed chicken sounds less than appetizing to me but James is really anxious to taste test it for her. I'll make sure to get pictures of that!
Carrots are quite messy!
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| From SGN - 8th Month |
2 weeks ago we took Savannahkins to the park to test out the infant swings, it was a beautiful sunny day but unfortunately a little too cold for her liking so we didn't stay as long as we thought we would. And she didn't exactly love the swings, but they're still a little too big for her anyway.
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| From SGN - 8th Month |
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| From SGN - 8th Month |
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| From SGN - 8th Month |
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| From SGN - 8th Month |
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| From SGN - 8th Month |
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| From SGN - 8th Month |
She's also been eating the Gerber Graduates Wagon Wheels, I think the dogs end up eating more of them than her but it's good practice for feeding herself.
On bath nights we let her put her hands in her food which is why she has carrots or sweet potatoes in her eyebrows. :)
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| From SGN - 8th Month |
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| From SGN - 8th Month |
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| From SGN - 8th Month |
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| From SGN - 8th Month |
Sunday, February 7, 2010
Monday, February 1, 2010
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Today...
...Savannah is 7 months old! How did this happen so quickly? I went to the first birthday party for a friends adorable twin boys over the weekend, I can't believe that we'll be watching our little Princess smash her way through a cake in just 5 short months. I'm tearing up just thinking about it.
...I did something I thought I'd never do. I sent my child to daycare while I am home and I hate it. It is nearly 2 pm and I'm still in my pajamas, I should clarify that I did take a shower and put on clean pajamas. I came down with the sameswine flu mysterious illness that James had last week, high fever, achiness, general malaise and a prescription for Tamiflu (actually Relenza for me since it's supposed to be safer for breast feeding) as a precaution but no official diagnosis so I'm home wasting a day away on the couch. So far, knock on wood, Savannah hasn't come down with it. She did have a very, very low grade fever (99.4) last night but otherwise she has been fine. I think the fever may have had to do more with teething than illness. I've read everywhere that there is no medical reason that teething would cause fever, blah, blah, blah but I've heard time and time again from friends that it does. I really think we are very close to her first tooth, the drooling is not as abundunt but there is not a second that passes where she doesn't have something in her mouth - usually her entire fist.
I think I'll arm myself with hand sanitizer and a mask and go pick my baby up now. But not until I leave you with a few pictures.
She looks like such a big girl sitting in the chair all by herself.
...I did something I thought I'd never do. I sent my child to daycare while I am home and I hate it. It is nearly 2 pm and I'm still in my pajamas, I should clarify that I did take a shower and put on clean pajamas. I came down with the same
I think I'll arm myself with hand sanitizer and a mask and go pick my baby up now. But not until I leave you with a few pictures.
She looks like such a big girl sitting in the chair all by herself.
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| From SGN - 7th month |
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| From SGN - 7th month |
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