Balance

One of the hardest things for us over the past 6 weeks has been finding balance. Typically when James gets home from work I hand her off to him, sometimes I am counting the minutes until he gets home because I need a little break but mostly I really want him to be able to bond with her since he's been at work all day.

I realized though that I'm not really getting a break at all, during the daddy-daughter time I read a book or watch the news for a 15-20 minutes and then get dinner ready, eat, clean up dinner and let the dogs in and out 800 times. Prior to having Savannah I would make dinner and then James would clean up and we'd share the doggie duties. I should note that I bring this on myself, James offers to clean up every night but I always wave him off so he can have Savannah time.

I've noticed over the past week or so that James is becoming rather irritated in the evenings and last night I finally figured out why. Savannah typically does most of her crying between 6:00 and 8:30 p.m. so screaming baby is pretty much all James gets. I think it's a little bit of her just getting it all out combined with being bored, James obviously wants to relax when he gets home and he is content with sitting in the chair watching TV or looking at something online. But, regardless of how many times you change her position, Savannah is not. I offer every night to take her off his hands and he refuses because he knows I need a break. That's very sweet and all but I know that 2 hours of non-stop crying in his ear isn't exactly his idea of a good time.

As I said, last night it finally clicked. He's at work all day so he needs time to unwind, he does want to spend time with Savannah but he also needs some time for himself. We could start the night-time routine a little earlier so that we both have a little time for ourselves in the evening but then when I go back to work in a couple weeks (I'm crying just thinking about it) what little time we'll have with in the evenings will be very rushed.

James put it well last night, it's a double-edged sword. We both needa little time for ourselves and each other but we wantto spend every minute that we can with her. Eventually we'll find the right balance.